When I first hopped into this book I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. It seems like a 12 steps guide to how to stop looking at pornography. Pornography is something I conquered early on and by the grace of God I’ve not been tempted to look at it since. 

I won’t lie and say I haven’t had the estranged pop up cross my screen to have to click away quickly, but the long and short is that I have not struggled with that for many many years. I’m thankful for that. I’ve had many men who have poured into my life over and over to help me to guard my heart and my integrity in this area. 

I’ve used the accountability software from XXXChurch.com X3Watch and love it. It’s provided some honest accountability I have been thankful for. 

Basically, I thought that this book was going to be a bunch of things I already knew and already was working through. Then my wife gave me a fresh perspective that I should have adopted from the start. “Why don’t you read it so that you can use it to help someone else.” I’m a moron sometimes. 

So here are my take-aways from Pure Eyes. 

Pure Eyes is a straight on attack on pornography. It’s a guide to help anyone struggling with viewing pornography break free from the addiction and become sober. The book uses terminology common with other addictions when referring to pornography because the authors believe this to be true. Each chapter helps to break down the walls of pornography and shed light on true identity. 

The single thing I most enjoyed about this book is that it focuses on the true problem behind addiction, identity. When we understand who we are in Christ was can view all things through that filter. When we see ourselves and others as Christ sees us we can have purpose in loving God with all we are and loving others as He loves them. This is the main push in healing behind Pure Eyes. 

I really recommend this book for anyone struggling with pornography or looking for insight into how to help out a friend who is struggling. 

Check out more from XXXChurch on their website. 

I was recently challenged to describe my dad using one word. It’s harder than I thought. My dad’s a great guy. He’s been a great inspiration for me in my life. Finally (with the help of my wife), I landed on “Tender-Hearted”. 

My dad has always been one to give to others, lend a hand when needed, and go above and beyond what is asked of him. He’s compassionate towards others and models the greatest commandment in Loving God and Loving People with all that he says and does. 

He serves on the deacon board at his church and weekly visits those from his church in hospitals and nursing homes. 

In high school he would always give students rides home that needed it from after school JROTC activities. He worked hard and provided well for his family. 

It seems odd to just use one word to describe my dad. I had so many words come to my mind. If I have to settle on one… that’s what I’m going with. I’m very fortunate to have a dad like that. I know not everyone does. That makes me sad. Growing up I had many peers that called my dad, “dad”. His heart is large and his compassion shows in everything he does. It’s amazing. 

I’ve told him before and I mean it… if I can be half the man he is…
I’ll be doing pretty good. 

The DNA of Relationships is a book less about love and relationships with the opposite sex, even though it’s based on research from a marriage institute, and more about communication. Every thing that matters in life can be boiled down to relationships. And ultimately relationships rise and fall on communication. There are some great thoughts on communication from the author that takes the focus off of the problems at hand and more on the human heart and spirit. 

The author believes that there is a three-fold relationship DNA code, in which we all function: The relationship DNA code is made up of three simple yet profound strands: 1.You are made for relationships. We are made to live in community and in relationship with others. 2.You are made with the capacity to choose. We have the ability to choose the relationships that we are apart of and we choose how we interact within those relationships. Also, if we choose to not take part in a relationship we are still making a choice.  3.You are made to take responsibility for yourself. We can choose how we respond. In conflict we often want to control how the other person responds, yet we can’t - the only thing we can control is ourselves.

Much of what I learned from this book comes from the third strand of the relationship code, the idea that I am responsible for myself. Being raised as an only child, I have siblings that are two decades older than I am, I often got the “baby of the family” card and was spoiled. I had much done for me and needed to do little for myself. Due to this upbringing I’ve always struggled with taking responsibility for my own actions and my own wellbeing.

I’ve noticed this most in my relationship with Kristin. She wakes me up in the morning because I’ve not become disciplined enough to wake up to my own alarm. Sometimes I feel like I ask her to do more for me than I ever do for her. When I get frustrated with her it’s normally from a sense of selfishness on my part. The problem you have with another person is often a problem you have with yourself. Usually the pain that another person causes you is coming out of a fear or insecurity you have about yourself.

I realized that I don’t have a very healthy relationship with myself. I need to take more responsibility and leadership over my own life and my own choices. I think Kristin would like it if I took more of a decisive stand in our relationship and in our home. People who do have a healthy relationship with themselves—who take responsibility and take care of themselves—are better positioned to deal with relationship problems because they can see themselves objectively. People who have a healthy relationship with themselves is that they take care of themselves—their bodies, their minds, their emotions, and their spirits.

This book also helped me to understand that my core fear is a fear of failure. This fear makes me feel like: I am not successful at being a husband/wife, friend, parent, coworker; I will not perform correctly; I will not live up to expectations; I am not good enough.

It also helped me to understand that when that “fear button” is pushed I end up reacting in escalation. In escalation, Your emotions spiral out of control; you argue, raise your voice, fly into a rage.

On the positive side of learning those things about myself I also realized that my fear buttons aren’t pushed often. Kristin and I communicate pretty well and have a great friendship and marriage. She is very gracious and patient with me, often guiding me as I work through difficult situations. She’s a problem solver. She has more analytical responses when I am more emotionally driven. She balances me well. 

The DNA of Relationships is an excellent book. I highly recommend reading it for anyone who is getting married, is married, or works with people on a daily basis (that would be all of us in one form or another.)  

Ordering Your Private World is a book that I first read in college for a course in discipleship. I remember skimming through it and writing enough about the chapter headings to get a decent grade on the paper. Yet there were moments all through college and through other mentoring relationships that I’ve been in where the book kept coming up. Obviously again it has come up in this mentoring group. My biggest regret is that I didn’t read this book in its entirety sooner.

Ordering Your Private World speaks to the core of the inner life, or as the author calls it, the private world. It’s from this place of personal private life management that everything in the public world is affected.

Every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and that therefore what one has done in the secret chamber, one has some day to cry aloud from the house-top. 

I think the section of the book that spoke the most to me would be the section on time management. In conjunction with the life goals I’ve recently been writing out, and this new stage of life I’m in with Rylee Kate and being a father, a husband, and having a new job in a new state… I’m being forced to learn how to better manage my time, not only during the 9-5 but also at home. I know that if I am not managing my time well at home, then I will miss out on some of the most memorable times in my life.

The author sums this up well in this quote:

Disorganized Christians rarely enjoy intimacy with God. They certainly have intentions of pursuing that camaraderie, but it never quite gets established. No one has to tell them that time must be set aside for the purpose of Bible study and reflection, for intercession, for worship. They know all of that. They simply are not doing it. They excuse themselves, saying there is no time, but within their private worlds they know it is more a matter of organization and personal will than anything else. If I am in a state of disorganization, the quality of my personal relationships usually reveals it. The days pass without a significant conversation with my son or daughter. My wife and I will be in contact, but our conversations may be shallow, devoid of self-revelation, and unaffirming. I may become irritable, resenting any attempt on her part to call to my attention things I have left undone or people I appear to have let down. The fact of the matter is that when we are disorganized in our control of time, we just don’t like ourselves, our jobs, or much else about our worlds. And it is difficult to break the destructive pattern that settles in.   

When I am disorganized in budgeting my time at home then my time at work suffers. When I am disorganized in budgeting my time at work, my home life suffers. Mostly when I am disorganized in budgeting my time with God in solitude, every area of my life suffers. It’s easy to get caught up in one area of life or the next and neglect that time. I believe that’s what the enemy desires the most, my time captured by something else. My attentions and affections wrapped up in a false idol of time.

Ordering Your Private World is necessary. It’s not just necessary for leaders. It’s necessary for everyone.